Why Seek Their Approval?
There aren’t many people who you’ll come across in your life who will truly have your back. Loyalty and honesty are in extremely short supply. Most people will eventually have their fill of you and move on. Sometimes this is understandable and is done in a cordial way. A relationship will have run its coarse and that is all there is to say about it; it served its purpose for the time that it existed in—fair enough. However, more often, relationships are ended in rude, dismissive and even cruel ways for very trite and superficial reasons. People let their guard down and allow others into their lives only to have those who were granted such access turn around and--if not stab them in the back--dismiss their presence from their lives; a practice commonly known as “ghosting”.
It is strange, then, why so many people seek validation and approval from others. After all, if so many of these folks are not going to be there for you when you need them the most, why would you seek their attention, approval or companionship? It is often the case that many will brag about how many “likes” a post of theirs got on a social media site or boast about how many “friends” or “followers” they have on another site. My question is this: when you use the word “friend” to describe people who you’ve never met, isn’t it reasonable to assume that friendship will become increasingly devalued in the real world?
I try to be kind and take an interest in the people who I interact with on a daily basis. I try to show them respect and care. I make a conscious effort to do this even with individuals who I don’t get the best of vibes from. There are really only two reactions to my efforts; either the person is pleasantly surprised at my interest or they try to get rid of me quicker than they otherwise would’ve. Usually, it is the former. This tells me that people are in want of genuine human connection; something that we’ve lost quite a bit of, first due to prevalence social media and then to the covid-19 saga.
Of course, since it is a risk to reach out to an other, given the existence of things like “ghosting”, I sympathize with people’s desires to live a more isolated life. Still, the enthusiasm I get from people when I take an interest in them tells me a different story.
One takeaway from this push/pull dynamic in our society is to use and give your attention and energy wisely when it comes to human relationships. Do not choose to overlook flaws, differences in values or red flags just because you’re lonely. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin and with the person who God made you to be. This will help you attract people who you are more compatible with. Far too often, people let the wrong individuals into their lives and suffer unfortunate consequences.
It may be more than tangentially related that many in our society are breaking apart. Without authentic relationships, life can become surreal and Kafkaesque, ephemeral and nihilistic. Very recently, I conversed with a retail store clerk about a person who had driven their car through his store’s front display windows as a result of a road rage incident. In the end, the driver in question wound up in prison after he attempted to fight the police who responded to the episode. What was the road raging driver’s life like, I wonder? What sort of struggles was he facing? Of course, struggles or not, his actions are not justified. But I can’t help but think that he was down to his last straw and he simply gave up on our society and what it could offer him. Don’t get me wrong—his actions were profoundly selfish and entitled, but the fact remains that there’s a lot of road rage, public freak outs, mass shootings and other antisocial behaviors in our country today and they just seem to be growing in number.
Is there any chance that the lack of real human connection is related to the above? I would say most definitely so.
Seeking approval from people who do not understand or care to understand virtue and morals is an errand that is highly unadvisable. If you’re successful in this quest, what does that mean for your future? Being approved of by people who are amoral and/or sociopathic could tell you that you may possess more of those same qualities than you care to admit. Moreover, you allow dangerous folks to influence you and have access to your life when you do not guard your time and energy properly. This usually does not end well.
It is a far better policy to become comfortable with being alone, shun the mob and laugh at their shaded opinions of you and wait for individuals of virtue, purpose and quality to enter your life. While these folks seem to be in a shorter supply, but I don’t think they’re as rare as they seem. There have been aforementioned events that have driven many of them underground, so to speak. Those of us that care about optimizing humanity have to find a way to locate each other; try to put out a call from time to time. Meanwhile, be ok with being alone and don’t give your time to those who just want your validation for its own sake. Eventually, they’ll discard you when they find a “better” option, leaving you with a deficit in time and effort and a positive balance of jadedness—certainly not a fair trade.
It’s more frequently the case these days, that being scorned or shunned by certain groups of people is actually a good thing. Those that don’t like themselves, don’t like the contrast of seeing what they could be if they chose differently. I believe this is the origin of envy, but all the same, it is good to be content when your enemy and/or his cohorts are in want.
-Sir Cerebral